1. |
pt
02:37
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the picture in my head:
not quite a photograph,
more like a crime scene
into which i trespassed.
shards on the floor
indicating violence,
my body on the stairs
screaming only silence.
this is how i’ll remember you.
this is the legacy that you’ve left.
and when my sleep smooths it over
and the ache has left my chest:
it’s all for the best.
hmm.
—
They set it back in place
when they found me;
I imagine all those parts
set back quite violently,
still broken. Still it lay
in the plaster.
Threw some words at the sky
that it might heal faster.
but it took a bit longer than doctor had said,
The pain sometimes migrating to the back of my head.
Interrogating God about what all this pain was for;
I wanted to heal, but sometimes healing hurts more, huh?
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2. |
Somethings
02:55
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we walk hand in hand.
silence prevails.
and i
take it step by step
as i formulate in my head
what i think is best.
"i’ve been thinkin long about
the things that you have said.
they play themselves like
haunted memories inside my head.
i cannot imagine how it
feels inside your mind.
isn’t it so easy to give up sometimes?
yeah. it’s so fking easy to give up sometimes."
there are some things
i can’t forget.
there are some things
i regret.
but there’s something
i can’t keep secret.
there are so many things
that my heart
won’t keep quiet.
"it’s been one too many days
of you just saying that you’re fine.
you can’t just give it apathy.
you can’t just give it time.
please know that i still love you
and know that it’s alright,
but it’s so hard to help you
when you say you want to die.
but i’ll do my best to help you,
cuz i don't want you to die."
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3. |
What I Got
04:27
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i got so tired
of learning to live
so tired of taking
forgot how to give
the food that i’m eating
the air that i breathe
given this lifetime
allowed to be me
baby i don’t know
where to begin
where my whole life
begins and ends
if i’m being honest
i’d much rather stop
trying to find purpose
and love what i got
i took a step
towards anything at all
the future looks heavy
my lifetime feels small
i looked behind me
your smiling face
god do i miss you
and i’ll miss this place
BABY I DON’T KNOW
where to begin
where my whole life
begins and ends
if i’m being honest
i’d much rather stop
finding my purpose
and LOVE what i got
—
baby i love you
but i gotta learn
how to love living
it’s something you earn
and when i find it
i’ll see you again
but til that moment
this is the end
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Kuya Moises California
bay area, ca
Kuya Moises is the recording project of Steven Moses Ilagan.
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